I am not Fat, I Have Fat....There's a difference...

As I get near my graduation this year, I am finishing up classes and making up missed classes.  Last night was a class on Diversity and we went over size-ism in the media.  It was a class I could've taught.  Maybe someday.  I do want to teach at my school once I have graduated and been released into the world.

This topic is very close to my heart because I have survived an eating disorder or several in my time.  While the actual act of starving, purging, and overexercising had stopped in my 20's, it still took several years to look at my body without condemning or insulting it.  Surviving cancer helped, but it wasn't a magic wand to cure years of body hangups.  I finally had to look in the mirror until all I saw was ME, not a combination of horrible body parts that people called Jo Anna.

I remember a close family member always making comments about me "sitting around getting fat" and that sort of thing.  It hurt my feelings back then, but I thought he was just in a bad mood or something when he said it, so I forgave him and let it go.  That was only a year or so ago.  I just spoke with him recently and updated him on how great D is doing and what a great kid he is and how he's growing up so fast and eating everything in sight.  His reply, "You better watch that, you don't want him getting fat."  What?  Um...he's going through puberty, he'll be 13 soon, he's about to have a major growth spurt.  "Oh, yeah, I didn't think about that."

This makes me wonder where he picked up the programming that fat is bad.  Why does he care?  My family was all about teasing, still is.  Everyone calling each other fat and grabbing love-handles and poking bellies.  I did not resonate with this kind of love.  It hurt my feelings.  I felt bad.  I was called a "tank" by one of my parents' friends' son, a "fat, ugly, pig" by the neighbor boy and any number of names at my Lutheran grade school that I will not repeat.  That's a lot to take when you are 12.  I was not "fat".  I had some fat, I was a healthy 12 year old girl!!!  I look at the pictures of that girl now, and she is beautiful!

I remember comparing myself to other girls, and women in the media and I was not like them, of course, since I hated my body, I wanted to look like girls who were not built like me, who were taller and had smaller bones.  I would never look like them, because I am not them.

Now, I love myself!  I would love to help you love yourself!  I truly feel that keeping women down and hating themselves is the best way to keep them from using their brains and running the world.  If every woman woke up today in love with herself, the economy built on diet pills, clothes, makeup, girdles, etc. would collapse as women started focusing on really important things, not the made up story about how wrong their body is.

PS.  As far as advertisers are concerned, you'll never win.  Love yourself now.  Look at clothes and makeup as toys and treats, not camouflage and war paint.  You'll have more fun.  Promise!

Animals Everywhere!

I kinda remembered my dream this morning.  I got very interrupted sleep because the Doodle dog was yipping loudly at the Bear Dog who is wearing a cone so he doesn't lick his leg stitches.  She is freaked out by his cone.  I feel pity for him because he is so old and low tot he ground that he hangs his head and the cone scrapes the floor.  He is such a trooper.  I call him "Coney" against my will.  He can't hear anyway, so it doesn't bother him.

Pets are interesting.  They certainly do lively up your life.  We found a puppy, nobody claimed it, we ended up with the Doodle.  Then, she got parvo, and we were back to being nervous parents sleeping with the baby, feeding her from a bottle, getting her through it.  Now, she is back to being a yippy face-biter as if it never happened. :)

Bear was our first dog.  I never had a dog growing up, I had lots of relatives with dogs.  Dane's dad had a dog, but Dane grew up with cats, like me.  We got a house, we went to the pound and got a tiny shy dog.  I was lucky enough to have the time and patience to train Bear, and he is a sweet boy.  He retired a few years ago,  and is now just living life.  The vet said his heart is perfect and was impressed to hear Bear had never been sick once in 16 years.

Now, Bear has had surgery for his leg. There was a mass on it and it burst, and there was blood everywhere.  I am calm in these situations.  I got the boy to take the Doodle to his room while I mopped up blood and tried to find its origin.  I am very blessed to have an Aunt who was home and ready to help.  The whole thing was very easy for as complicated as it could've been.

Timing.  D and I were out and decided to come home just then.  We were talking in the hallway when we turned and saw a pool of blood with footprints.  I called Auntie who was home, we got to the emergency vet and were seen very quickly and everybody is so nice!  Bear stayed, we left.  I asked her if she'd had lunch, she said no, but just wanted to get home.  Good thing, because waiting in front of her house was her lunch date!  Ha!  Lots of angels at work in this story, eh?

I would appreciate it if there were no more blood related maladies at this house.  Thank you.

We are also blessed to have the "Wappy Twins".  Named so because of the sound their tails make against the wall when they wag.  They are littler mates.  We only wanted one, as a present for the boy, but the other was so attached and then was going to be taken to the pound, so we kept her too.

4 dogs.  No cats.  I miss Kitty, but I don't miss many of the things that go with having a cat.  Much love to my fur people.  However, I find that my favorite thing about hotel rooms is the lack of animals and animal hair.  It's a nice treat.

It's the End of the World!!!! No, it's not....

So, I didn't write or record a video yesterday, I didn't post anything to my blog. You know what? The world is still going. It didn't come to a screeching halt, or end in a fiery explosion because I failed to meet an arbitrary daily goal that I set for myself.

Yet, in the past, I may have looked at this very type of event, and indeed did, as proof that I was unaccountable, even to myself. That I was, and always will be a failure who can't commit, lazy and uninspired, just a lump with some long ago talked about “potential”. What a downer I was! Holy crap, really?

These little goals are to set us up for success! We should choose things we like to do and always said we would do someday. They should not be tests of our very worth. I enjoy writing, I like it very much, I love words and how they look and sound and feel when I say them out loud. I am a writer. I was getting very jealous and angry about people who were writing books I could have, but didn't. Stories of weight loss “72 pounds off for 10 years”, it was exactly my story too, exactly the same number of pounds and the time kept off. The only difference is she wrote the book, so she was on the morning talk show circuit. Or home chefs who become famous for just putting up things on YouTube. I could do that, but I didn't. It was easier to be self-righteous.

Then, it wasn't anymore. I want to write, why am I stopping myself? Oh, fear. Fear that I won't be perfect right away. Fear that nobody will read my stuff, or even worse hate me for it. Fear of being judged for my opinions. FEAR. So, I decided to suspend all judgment of my work, and only read through it to correct spelling errors, but I don't over think it. I really don't know what I am going to write when I sit down here. I just let it come through me onto the virtual paper and then I'll share it with the world...wow.

My video blogs are very liberating in that I will not alter my appearance to look better on screen. However I look is however I look at that moment. I look lots of different ways, we all do. That's the point. There is no ultimate universal perfect. There is only the perfection that lies in being authentically you, then you will be the perfect you. It's you destiny and your birth right. You are already perfect.   

Spread LOVE

Oh, the snuggly doggie! Yes, the Pixie-Doodle has figured out a way to squirm under my body and get right in the center of my pillow. I got up to get some water and when I came back to bed, she was lying on her back, front paws stretching overhead until she nestled into my spot, head on the pillow. I had no choice but to scoop her up and hold her little warm body close to me. Heck, there is nothing more important than cuddling a sleeping puppy, or a sleeping family member, snuggles are the #1 priority when offered. Nothing is of greater import than physical connection with loving intent.

When we are close to each other our bodies relax, our heart beats more steadily and all of the lovely hormones of love are released making us feel so happy and content. Every time we hug someone, it is like a power boost, re-energizing our hearts so we can glow with love and spread it.

If you look at a happy person, who is full of love, you can tell from a distance they have that energy. It pulls you toward it, because you want to be near it, maybe if you are near it, some of it will get on you. Guess what? It will. It will get all over you and all up in your heart, and you'll be contagious, spreading that feeling to those you come into contact with. Let the haters hate, I was the angry teen who made fun of happy people because I thought it was easier than trying to be happy. Boy was I wrong! It's pretty effortless once you catch the flow.

Today, smile!!!!! Smiles are face hugs, you can give them freely, even to strangers. Hug the people in your life who you can hug, make the hugs count too, not those little stiff armed, standing three feet away with awkward faces and hands (you know what I mean). Sink into your friend, lover, spouse, parent, child, hold them in your arms like they are the most precious thing on the planet, because they are.

It's one part of my life I know to be true, family and friends are more important than anything: career, school, jobs, cars, clothes, clubs, crap..... I have arranged my life goals and dreams in a way that has allowed me to spend ample time with my son as he's grown up into a teenager. I have a strong marriage and fantastic friends and family who were there for me when I was so sick. They put things aside so they could be there and heal me with their love.

I read that people with large social circles are more likely to survive life threatening situations. It's true, if you're so busy visiting, you don't have time to give up. It blows me away that it has been over 12 years since I last has Leukemia, it was the best gift I never wanted. I learned so much about what is important and what is frivolous.

Cherish your people with all of your heart. Tell them you love them at every opportunity. Give smiles and compliments to strangers, too. Spread LOVE and JOY like a virus! I love YOU!

Grandma Anna with Baby Tracy and 3yr old me! 

She was such a cool lady.

I Love Cleaning Up! ;)

I am taking a day at home to recover from the 4 I had away from it. All around me are piles of things. Work things, house things, clothes, boxes, dishes. It seems that the house really does not clean itself.

This has made my mind all scattered and cluttery, too. I have 2 online classes I am taking right now, each with their own pile. I have promotional materials for my business and workshop in a pile, a pile of clothes, a giant box full of bags full of stuff from this weekend's GoMacro promotion, then under that are two big boxes for this weekend's events, both needing paperwork printed and saved. Oh, and then there is that pesky community service I am fitting in to pay off my speeding ticket...not today!

Today I will put on a bandanna and the Beastie Boys and take back my house! I am looking forward to it, too! I adore order, I just don't like tedium, I have to trick myself into cleaning by making it fun. Maybe I'll wear my roller skates, or dress up like Cinderella and make believe I am trying to get to the ball.

Tomorrow will be a ball. I get to chaperon the school's end-of-the-year field trip to Golfland Sunsplash! That is the prize! I am so excited. I even bought little surf shorts to wear over my swim suit so D doesn't have the Mom with the booty hanging out. Those water slides do funny stuff your stuff. ;) (I stopped wearing bikinis about the same time I stopped wanting to give a boob show at every landing.)

I have my to-do list and my bulletproof coffee. I am actually forcing myself to do the seating things first, or they may never get done! Onward!

That Coffee is Something Else!

Bullet proof my coffee? Okay, I'm game, I'll try it, why not? Especially since I am working a lot these next couple of weeks and still finding time to continue my education. I finished facelift acupressure yesterday and it got me totally happy! I have big plans for the Fall when they will offer a weekend intensive on Energetic Reflexology and another on Indian Head Massage with more facelift points!

So, back to my coffee. It's a thing. You put butter from grass fed cows and MCT (Medium Chain Triglycerides), I like coconut oil because I have it. You can also buy very concentrated MCT at you local health food store. I know Whole Foods has their own. If you are anything like me, you're really cool and pretty, aaaaaaaaannnnnd you just thought “What?! Butter in my coffee? Oil in my COFFEE!!!! Why, Jo Anna, why would I do this, why would YOU?”

Because it's an experiment, and it pretty tasty. The theory is that the caffeine jump starts you and the fats sustain. You must use high quality fat, or there is no point other than flavor and texture. The oils lube up your joints and coat your stomach lining, and intestines (slippery!) and keep you feeling full. “They” also say it helps you lose weight because of the effect MCTs have on regular fat....

Today is my day 2, we'll see. I felt great yesterday, maybe it was the coffee, maybe it was my awesome attitude about life, it is good.

If you want to try it, here are some links with info. A lot of them suggest putting it in a blender, or vitamix. Ha ha! Yes, that is what my husband wants to wake up to at 4:30am....I use a wire whisk between my palms in my deep cup. Make a back and forth motion and that whisk whips very nicely.

Recipe, Bulletproof Exec

Dr. Weil Says:

End of 3 Fitness

As with anything of this nature, it may work for some and not for others.  We are all different.  

Working for a Living

Let's face it.  I hate to work.  I love to do what I love and unfortunately sometimes I have to work.  Don't get me wrong, I don't mind putting in effort to achieve a goal, but to me "work" is not something I like to do.  Why am I telling you this.  Simply, because it is true for me, and I am comfortable with that.

I have been working for several days now, it is nice, and I enjoy it, it's almost not like work at all, it's as if this work is supporting my efforts on my way to my goal, which takes the work out of it, and makes it effort instead. 

It's all how you frame it.  I am going to go learn some cool acupressure skills, then I have to do some effort.