My body is changing again. It is
releasing the weight I picked up over the last year when I was
stressing. Now, it appears to be going back to stasis. In our
society so much value is given to how small you are and how little
you way. I been guilty of being a tininess elitist, usually only
when threatened, but also just to be a bitch. Probably because I was
hungry
Here's the million dollar question:
WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHAT SIZE YOU ARE? I have been almost 200lbs and
gotten down to 107lbs and you know what? I was still me, just tinier
and I felt that being skinny gave me the right to be nasty. After
all, isn't the end goal to be skinny? Why? I understand that there
are health reasons to lose weight, yes. That's great, and maybe
you're an athlete and need to be strong and fast, okay. My point is,
what does “skinny” get you? Why are we all aiming to be ever
smaller? To disappear? Think about it, before a wedding, reunion,
vacation, etc. we all run around trying to get skinny. Are we going
to enjoy these events more if we are skinny?
The catch is that you can never be
skinny enough. There is no end once you get stuck in that crazy
rabbit hole. You reach your goal of losing 10 pounds, now you wan to
lose 20, then you'll be happy. You got into your wedding dress, now
you are setting your sights on your cheerleading uniform. Why? Will children be saved from cancer? Will
you get an award? Maybe the news will cover it. Oh, I know, when
you are finally skinny enough, all of your other problems will go
away, right? NO!!! God forbid you don't meet your goal, because
then, your self-esteem will be shattered and the self-abuse starts.
Maybe you don't even go, feeling everyone will know you are “not
skinny”.
There is a new product out there that
works. I have a few friends who sell this product that makes you
smaller. I even thought about using it, and was approached to sell
it, too. While I was deciding, I thought about how I would benefit
right no from being smaller. My clothes would feel looser and that's
pretty much it. I decided to keep my money and turned down the
position. I understand we are programmed and driven to be smaller
because that's how they make money. Happy people generally don't
drop $1,000's on superficial pursuits. When I think of all of the
money I spent over my lifetime of body issues I realize I could've
spent that money traveling and going places and having fun instead of
drugging myself with expensive promises and beating myself up because
I was never small enough.
Accepting your body doesn't happen
overnight. I made myself stare at myself in the mirror and only be
objective and complimentary. Do I look friendly? Happy? Clean?
Approachable? Stylish? On days I feel ugly, or have what I call the
“fat eye” (seeing my body in a distorted fashion) I avoid mirrors
and wear something that makes me feel pretty and most people just go
with it. The truth is, nobody cares what your body looks like. They
don't. Unless it is your job to look a certain way, you have the
freedom to let your body go through it's cycles of weight gain and
release. I go from a 4-8 throughout the year because that's where my
body likes to be, I am healthy and fit and can rock a silky dress in
away that will make your jaw drop. I've been an 18, too, and you
know what, I was still me, so I was still dead sexy. I have met so
many gorgeous curvy, voluptuous women who are so into their bodies
that I have been envious at times.
It's about you having the most fun in
your life. At the end do you want to to be telling your great grand
kids about all of your awesome adventures, or about how even as a
crumply skeleton you never met your goal weight?
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