Time, Time, Time....

Woke up to a text message. “Are you going to be home Tuesday?” This is exactly the type of question that sends me into a freak out spiral. It's Saturday, I don't know what Tuesday will hold. I don't want to have to wait around all day until a UPS guys shows up so I can sign. I am a free woman!!! I have the same issue when my husband asks me what time I am doing things. For me, time is up for grabs. I don't know what time I'm going to be home any more than if I will be home Tuesday. For most people these are normal questions. The clock is doing its job, it's just a clock, not some sick master. I was obsessed with the lock for so many years. Fights started because of mere minutes. Friends were lost forever due to my maniacal grasp of time and its implications about loyalty.

Now, I can cooly wait if need be. I have even been late once, it was weird, didn't like it. I realize that time is a system created by humans so they could all show up and do things together. It's a tool for organizing something that had only been “sun up” “sun down”, “midday”, etc. My friend and I seemed paralyzed by it in High School. It seemed if we had to work in the afternoon, the three hours before work were shot, like we couldn't use them lest we risk being late, or not ready. I still catch myself in this mindset. Now, I remind myself “You have THREE HOURS!!!!” That's enough time to see a movie and get a massage!

I am sure my obsession with time began innocently enough as a simple warning to not be late for class. Then, work ruled my clock, breaks, off, on, schedule......I admit, the main source of panic arose when I could not find my datebook. It is in the car. I don't know what I am doing day-to-day with out it. I used to roll sans datebook and missed a lot. Now, it is my lifeline. Paper. I tried putting things in my phone, but I just don't trust technology. I had once uploaded 2 months to a tablet that my son ended up breaking. Bye bye schedule. Admittedly, a paper book is still a dangerous thing to have. I once came home to one shredded by the dogs in the backyard. I was able to salvage most of it. Luckily they chewed mostly on the past.

I would love a life of country wonder and bliss, free of clocks and schedules. Waking with the sun, napping when the mood hit me, and sleeping under black skies and twinkling stars. No sirens, no street lights, no traffic, just crickets. :)